In Tune

Josephina singing...."Then sings my soul, my Savior God to thee
How great Thou art. How great Thou art...

She asks, "How was that?"
I say, "That was beautiful Mom"
She asks, "You like my signing?"
I reply, "I love to hear you sing. Sing again"

She sings, "Jesus is my Savior, Jesus is my Lord...
Lord of my day. Lord of my night. Lord of my everything and Lord of my life.."

"How was that?"

She keeps on singing in tune. Josephina loves to sing. I love to listen.

Mom got it right!

Mom's grand daughter (my niece) graduated from college today. We celebrated her graduation with a back yard barbecue. It was at my sister's home. The family was having a fun evening outdoors. It was great. All of a sudden, my sister started speaking and mom recognized her voice. Mom stood up from her seat and said, "That's my daughter Carmen speaking!"


My sister and I both froze with disbelieve and happiness at the same time. We looked at each other. I knew what my sister was thinking - that mom actually got it right. It was her daughter Carmen speaking. Carmen walked over to our mom and gave her a hug and said, "Yes, mommy its me Carmen" .

Mom has a sister named Carmen too. When mom says Carmen, she means her sister not her daugter. That why my sister and I were so shocked that she said, "my daughter Carmen."

I thank God for that small moment. It meant so much to Carmen and me.

Great grandson Jordin

Mom and her great grand son, Jordin have this love hate relationship. One minute she's hugging him, and the next minute she is chasing him away. Their interaction goes a little like this...

Jordin is hopping, bouncing in front of her demanding her attention, "Grandma, Grandma, Grandma!"
She is annoyed, "Leave me alone. Stop that."
He continues bouncing, "Grandma, Grandma, Grandma!"
She softens, "Yes baby, what is it".
Jordin is smiling at her, "Gimme kiss Grandma!"
Now she is smiling, "You want to give me a kiss?"
She looks at me saying, "You see this. He wants a kiss! He is something else. Come here".
She bends down to him. They hug and he gives her a kiss."
She says, "Thank you baby, God bless you. Now go play and leave me alone."

Who are you?

When mom asks, “who are you?” and I say, “Vicky”, she laughs and says, “that’s my daughter’s name. You look like my sister. Are you Teddy or Carmen? Ana, have you seen Mamita?”

What is this disease? It is a stealer of memories, eraser of thoughts, and scrambler of time.

I have been taking care of mom for 10 months. I take each day as a challenge, and pray for a miracle. Each day I am secretly hoping that my mom would somehow snap back into her life. Oh what a joy it would be if my mom wakes up one day cured!

Thank you

While visiting the alz.org website, I read that "Alzheimer's disease causes your loved one to forget, but your support and understanding will continue to be appreciated. "

This is absolutely true. Mom may not remember things but she never forgets to say thank you.

Hospital Visit

We went to visit my five year old grandson at the Children’s Hospital. He had an asthma attack and was in the intensive care unit over night. He was moved from the intensive care unit to a regular room. We visited with him all afternoon. When it was time to go home, we got to the elevator. I tried to get mom into the elevator and she refused to go.
“Let’s go mom”, I said while my son was holding the elevator door.
She asked, “Where”?
“Home”, I said.
To which she answered, “No, this is my home. I want to stay here. I don’t want to go.”
“Mom this is not your home. You came here to visit Justin in the hospital.” I replied.
“No! What‘s happening"? she asked looking mean and confused. "I don’t want to go”!
I knew that face. Josemeana was back.
I let the elevator go, and told my son to wait for us down stairs. I took a moment to collect myself. She was staring right through me with that mean face.
I tried to take her hand. She pulled away.
“It is time to go.” I said firmly. “Come with me.”
“But I don’t understand, what’s happening, I live here.” She whined.
I was confused myself. She was fine all day. Then it dawned on me. She must have had a flashback to when I visited her in the nursing home. I would always say goodbye to her at the elevator.
I tried again. “Mom, come with me”.
“But I want to go to bed I’m tired.” She whined
“Then come with me”, I said, “You can sleep at my house. I have a nice bed for you.”
“Ok”, she said still looking confused but not as mean. I took her hand.
“Ok”, I said while I thought to myself’, “Hurry up elevator before she changes her mind.”
We made it to the car and home without any other incident.
Josephina was happy to be home.

He takes care of me

Mom walked up to me while I was sitting on couch with my computer on my lap.
She said, “And how are you?” I said, “I’m fine. Come and sit with me for a while.”
She said, “Of course”.
I asked, “How do you stay so lovely?".
She answered, “Jesus takes care of me. That’s how”.
I said, “Yes, He always watches over of us, and takes care of us. “
She shook her head yes, and dosed of into her five minute nap.

Baby Sitting

While babysitting my two grandsons, I noticed that mom is getting used to being around them. She does not yell at them and tell them to stop when they are playing. She lets them hug her, and then chases them away when she has had enough of their hugs and kisses. The boys are getting used to being around great grandma too. They know when to approach her and when to let her be. Sometimes she takes their toys and coloring books away. They just look at me to handle it. I let her know that it is all right for them to use them and she gives them back their stuff. When she’s had enough of them, she wonders off to her room. A few minutes later, she would wonder back into the living and greet them like they just walked in. They start over again with the hugs and kisses, and then she’ll say, “OK, somebody come and take these children!”

Floor Patrol

Mom is always looking down on the floor and picking up anything she finds. Her favorite is shoes. She loves shoes. She would walk up anyone sitting on the couch and try to get the shoes off their feet. I simply apologize and joke that mom has a shoe fetish. When the kids leave toys on the floor, mom scoops them up. She puts the toys away, and I would find them in the most unusual places. If I relax on a chair with my shoes off, mom would come by and take my shoes. She would tuck them under the sofa coushons, or take them to another room. Sometimes I find stuff under her bed pillow. She has put shoes in the kitchen sink. Luckily I keep the toilet seats covered, because she likes to lay stuff on the seat. When anyone comes to visit I tell them that keep their stuff off the floor because mom is always on floor patrol.

Road Trip

My daughter put together a road trip. My son and his family, my daughter and her family, and my younger son, mom and I all got together for a road trip. All ten of us went to visit mom’s only son (my brother) in Houston. It was a long trip. Even though we were traveling with small children (my grandsons), I was more concerned about how mom would handle the trip. She was obviously uncomfortable during the trip. She fussed a little and did not sleep much during the trip, but all in all she did well. We arrived in Houston and checked in to a hotel.
Mom’s niece (my cousin) and her daughter had flown in Fort Lauderdale and met us at the hotel. Mom was so happy to see them. We showered and went to my brother’s home. Mom was so excited to see my brother. She just kept calling his name. My grandsons met my brother’s grandchildren and cousins for the first time. It was like they had known each other all along. My sister in law cooked and my brother barbequed. We reminisced on old times. We laughed, we ate, and mom danced to the music in the back ground. She had a ball. We all had a great time. I took mom back to the hotel early so she could rest. She fell asleep as soon as her head touched the pillow. She slept all night!
The following day was filled with more family magic and fun. We looked at old family photos and laughed at each other. It was great. Mom slept soundly again that night too!
It was great to have the family together. We had a great time together in Houston. We said our farewells and headed back home. On the trip back home mom was restless. She wanted out of the car. We were all relieved when we finally got home. We had a lot of fun on this trip. Next time though, mom and will take a plane trip instead of road trip. :-)

Spring forward

It's Spring! I love Chicago in the Spring. The cold chill of winter is behind us and the promise of bright cool days are waiting. There is so much that mom and I can do now. We don't have to be cooped up indoors. We can go for walks and feel the cool breeze on our faces. I can't wait to go to the nursery to get flowers and plants to brighten up the house. Mom and I have been doing a little spring cleaning (I clean, mom watches), and we are ready for some fun. I feel a spring in my step because this will be mom's first spring out of the nursing home. Come on Josephina its time to spring forward!

All dressed up

While helping my mom dress after her shower and she looked at the clothes laid out for her and she said, “Oh this is pretty. Is that for me?”
I flashed back to when I was a child and I remember how my mother loved to dress up. She took great pride on her appearance. Her hair was always done. She would set it in rollers at night, and let in curl into a pretty flip in the morning. She would get dressed and put on her makeup and bounce out to car where my sister, my brother and I would be waiting for her. My stepfather in the driver’s seat would look at her in admiration from the driver’s seat. She was beautiful.
As I look at her now in her elastic waist pants and sweat shirt, it’s hard for to imagine that this is the same person. Yet, she is the same person. To her she has not changed. She still likes to dress up, and she still feels beautiful. She loves compliments too. My mom is the only person I know that can really take a compliment. I mean if someone tells me I look nice, I would respond with, “You should have seen me earlier, I was a mess.” I can never say thanks and accept the compliment. Not Josephina. She loves compliments. I guess it’s because she knows that she is and always has been beautiful.
After getting dressed, I looked at mom and said, “You’re all dressed and you look beautiful.” Josephina says, “Thank you! I love these clothes. They are so pretty”.

I'm so tired!

Josephina says, “I am so tired” “I have been cleaning all day”. Not really. Actually I’m the one that did all the cleaning. Josephina likes it when I clean. She follows me around the house when I'm cleanings. She stands next to me and says stuff like, “Make sure you get that corner.” “’ Make sure you clean in there.” “Ok go over that again.” “That’s good.” I remember when I was a child, Mom would clean the house from top to bottom while listening her favorite Connie Francis records. She loved music and she also loved to clean. She loved to cook too. Sometimes when I’m cooking she can tells me what to add to the pot. She would say, "not too much garlic" or "add some sazon." She enjoys doing her cleaning and cooking vicariously through me. When I’m done cooking and cleaning she then says “I am so tired”.

Hugs

Hug-a-phina is giving away hugs and blessings today! She is praising God and telling me that she is feeling an over flow of love. She is full of God's love. We both had a good nights rest. We slept in today (5:30am). I made us a big breakfast. We are ready for this day!
PS. She called me sir, but I got a really big hug.

Hi Handsome

"Hi Handsome"
That's the greeting I got from mom today. OK, so I've let myself go a little. I haven't had my eyebrows done and I have a shadow mustache. I have put on some weight. I've gone up a whole pant size. I am a mess. I've been busy making sure that mom is taken care of, and I have neglected myself. Well not totally neglected. I take care of my personal hygiene, but I do it in record speed. I make sure mom gets her meals and her snacks, but I don't eat well myself. Most days I just graze, snacking on anything in sight. I am tired all the time. I would rather take a nap than groom myself. I have neglected myself into a handsome man.

We're set

Its been just a little over four months since mom and I have lived together. It took a lot of getting used to, but I feel like we're finally set. I think she has grown accustomed to being with me. We have created our own daily (sometimes nightly) routine. It took a lot of compromise (mostly on my part), but we've done it. I think she has accepted this as her home. Sure she still says that she wants to go home, but sometimes it means she wants to go to bed. Sometimes it means that she is just bored. All in all, I feel that she is mostly happy to be here. I am happy that she is here. I tell her that everyday. She loves to hear it and she says, "God bless you child."

Family

I hosted a family gathering on Saturday. We were celebrating my son's 31st birthday. I had a great time. I was happy that almost everyone was able to attend. We shared a great meal, lots of laughs, a movie, and birhday cake. We where all laughing and enjoying each others company. Mom was having a good time too. While eating dinner, mom said to no one in particular, "This is my family".

Tears

"What is this, why are you crying?" I asked. She says, "I don't know". I hug her. She says, "I feel sad". I ask "Why?" She does not know.
Mom has many faces. There's happy when she's singing and dancing. There's grumpy when she's a little mean. There's nervous when she's feeling anxious. She has many faces. I can handle all of her faces, but my heart aches when her face is sad. I wonder what is going through her mind when she is sad. She tries to explain what she's feeling, but it's all mixed up. She just cries. It want to know what makes her cry. I do not want to see her tears. I don't want her to be sad. My heart cannot take sad. I say a silent prayer while we hug. Please Lord take away my mother's sadness. Take away her tears.

Dance

Chickchickychickchickychick....That's the little song mom sings when she's doing her little dance. Mom loves to dance. She dances to any music that's playing. She even dances to music on commercials between her favorite tv shows (Family Feud and Are you smarter than a fifth grader). She likes to yell out the answers during the shows and dance to any music in between. When there is no music she dances to her own little tune. Chickchikychicchicky Chickchickchick..........

Moody

Yesterday my son, my daughter in law, and my grandsons came to visit. Josephina was in a great mood. She was happy and excited to see them. She was happy to see the boys. She even snuggled up against my daughter in law while watching a movie and took a little nap. It was a great day.
Imagine my surprise to find Josemeana at 3am this morning. She was angry and complaining about something. Josemeana was like a mean drunk. Her speech was slurred. I could not understand what she was saying. I told her to sit down while I got her some water. She drank the water. I told her to get back in bed. She was still mad. She did not want to go to bed. She said she was hungry. I know from experience to let her cool off on her own. I left her bedroom and went to the kitchen. I made some oatmeal for her.
Josephina walked up quietly to me smiling. “Is that for me?” I said yes. She said, "Thank you, God bless you." I smile. I'm getting better at dealing with Josemeana.

Second Wind

I went to my daughter's church last summer. The pastor taught about getting a second wind. He defined a second wind as an increased energy and strength after feeling tired and week. He said that God gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak. He went on to say that sometimes God lets us rest. While we rest, we reflect and we worship Him. He lets us rest because what He has for us to do next will take all of our strength.

Before I got my mom from the nursing home I was rested. This is my second wind. I was feeling weary but I will not complain (anymore). The Lord is good to me, and he will give me strength. I know that I can take care of my mom. I am going to make it because I have made it in the past. Praise be to God!

"I want to go home"

She wants to go home. We have been up since 4am. It seems early but if she goes to bed at 8pm, then 4am is a reasonable wake up time. The problem is that I did not go to bed until midnight. Most nights I go to bed at 10pm or earlier depending on how tired (frustrated) I am.
My mom was living in a nursing home for 3 years. Everytime I went to visit her there, I was overcome by feelings of guilt and shame. All the time she was in the nursing home I was living in Florida. I visited Chicago about 4 times during that time. The thought of my mother being in a home bothered me. I finally got the courage to come to Chicago to get my mother out of that place. She now lives with me.
Have I done the right thing? Was she better off in nursing home? Was I better off when she was in the nursing home? She is always saying that she wants to go home. Taking care of my mom is overwhelming. In the nursing home there were people that took shifts. They were able to take a break. They had people that prepared the meals, others took care of medication, others baths, and another set of people that took care of the cleaning. I have been doing it all! After a long day, when she says she wants to go home, I feel defeated. When is she going to realize that she "is" home?

Yeah!

Mom is standing in front of the tv, "yeah, aah, ahh, ahh, mmmm"
I look at her, "What is it mom?"
She looks excited, "I just got a car!"
I say, "No mom, the person on tv won a car, not you"
She's still hopeful, "then what did I win?"
I change the channel.

Music soothes

Listening to Selah-You deliver me..........
Me, "You like this music mom"
Mom, "Yes, I like it"
Me, "Keda gave it to you for Christmas"
Mom, "Where? When was that"
Me, "When she was here on Christmas Eve"
Mom, "Oh, OK"
............Glory to his name........

Singing Praise

There is one thing that Josephina loves. She loves to sing praises to God. On a good day like today, she can sing and pray and praise God all day long. She likes it when I join her in song. I don't sing as well as she does, and sometimes she teases me about my singing. Today was a good day. I pray that tomorrow will be also.

I'm here Mom

My mom remembers her date of birth, where she was born, that she has 3 children. She remembers her children's names. She remember that she has brothers and sisters. She remembers their names too. She does not remember that I am her daughter. She calls me her sister, but I'm not sure which sister. Some days I'm her sister Carmen. Other days I'm Teddy. Sometimes I'm Ana or even Mamita (her mom). When she prays she gives thanks for "the people in this house". She tells me thanks all the time for anything I do. She is grateful. She does not know I'm her daughter, but she knows that I am here for her.