She wants to go home. We have been up since 4am. It seems early but if she goes to bed at 8pm, then 4am is a reasonable wake up time. The problem is that I did not go to bed until midnight. Most nights I go to bed at 10pm or earlier depending on how tired (frustrated) I am.
My mom was living in a nursing home for 3 years. Everytime I went to visit her there, I was overcome by feelings of guilt and shame. All the time she was in the nursing home I was living in Florida. I visited Chicago about 4 times during that time. The thought of my mother being in a home bothered me. I finally got the courage to come to Chicago to get my mother out of that place. She now lives with me.
Have I done the right thing? Was she better off in nursing home? Was I better off when she was in the nursing home? She is always saying that she wants to go home. Taking care of my mom is overwhelming. In the nursing home there were people that took shifts. They were able to take a break. They had people that prepared the meals, others took care of medication, others baths, and another set of people that took care of the cleaning. I have been doing it all! After a long day, when she says she wants to go home, I feel defeated. When is she going to realize that she "is" home?
Vicky, she may not realize she is home. Mom used to come to "visit", and at the end of the day she was ready to be picked up and go home (where was home, she didn't know for sure). We have lived with her in her home, and she has been here around 20 years, but it became a strange place to her, one that she only "visited".
ReplyDeleteYou have asked all the right questions about taking care of your mom, which is the right answer? Only you can really answer that. Ideally, taking care of a parent in your's or their home is the perfect scenario for them, but there are many considertions in that decision. Guilt ia an insidious enemy when it comes to how and where our parent should be during their final years, and how to care for them.
I have been writing since 2006 and have covered about everything imaginable involving being mom's caregiver. We chose years ago to not put mom in a home when the time came, we also had a fire which put us living in her home with her, and thus began caring for her.
I have learned and am still learning each day, and mom is in the last stages if this journey, but it still can go on for a time, no one knows.
I totally understand everything you feel and have addressed. As I said, only you can answer those questions. God will give you strength to go through each moment, each day, each scenario. One thing that is very important is to not let the guilt make the decisions for you.
Loving you and your mom!
Thanks for you comment. I know in my heart that I have made to correct decision to take care of my mom. I just didnt know that it would take all my strength. Your words are very soothing to me. I thank God for you. God bless you
ReplyDeleteWe have each other and we have God, we can do it!
ReplyDeleteBlessings to you!